So I have been reading Absolutely Bananas for a while now and while she often makes me laugh, her new “Make Me Laugh Monday” has been upping the ante. I don’t know how often I will participate, but I couldn’t resist this one week.
All of my loyal readers know all about The Challenge (if you are coming for MMLM, go check it out). Well, it now has a theme song.
(it’s not really You Tube week, I will do my own content again tomorrow 
You know how at the end of the fireworks they just let off a bunch of them at the same time for a fantastic, crazy ending. Well, my friends “The Challenge” is coming to an end. I must admit I am a little sad to see it go. But frankly, there is only so many ideas to spice up your sex life I can put out there before crossing the line of good taste (which possibly I crossed weeks ago). I floated an idea past the hubby last week and his eyes bugged out of his head as he said, “You are not seriously going to post about THAT are you?” In retrospect, considering his mother and my mother read along, good point.
So anyway, I figured we should go out with a bang (insert inappropriate giggle here). So for your final week’s challenge, how’s about a full week of sex. Not like all 24 hours, 7 days, cause your kids would start get bored with TV and miss you (maybe). But every night how bout you be the one givin’ your hubby “the look.” By night 3, he will be completely confused and bewildered as to what has happened to his woman (this might happen on night 1). By night 7 he will be so happy, there might be diamonds involved.
Now this is a surprise for the hubby. No going in later tonight and saying, “That crazy woman over at the Diaper Diaries says we have to have sex everyday this week so let’s get to it.” Just spring it on him every night and see what happens. Now, if you want to be really freakin’ crazy, you can take this challenge. Everyone and their dog, emailed me about this challenge, so I only thought it fitting that I passed it on. Love the premise (it is the same as my reasons for starting “The Challenge” over here), just not sure we will be participating (sorry hubby). Let me know if you are!
I would love to know in the comments or over email how you did with “The Challenge” and if it helped you in any way. I am frankly going to start right over at the beginning cause even I wasn’t always so great at participating. If you didn’t do so hot either, don’t beat yourself up about it, just start over at the top again. This is definitely not something you work on for a few months and then you are good. This is a “til death do us part” kind of thing. Or at least a “til’ I’m too old to function” kind of thing.
Let the fireworks begin!!!
If you sex life is stale it could be because you have forgotten how fun sex really is. My hubby recently told me, “Women take sex way too seriously, it is supposed to be fun.” Now let me assure you when he said that he was not referring to us. I sometimes have the opposite problem and am giggling so much I forget it’s also supposed to be romantic. It’s about balance ladies.
Mistake #1 is that we ladies approach sex as some chore on our checklist that we just need to check off. Not so appealing for the hubbies. Contrary to the popular myth that men are just into sex to please themselves, most husbands really care that you are enjoying yourself. It is hard to feel that way when you are laying there with a look in your eye that says, “Hurry up and get this over with so that I can go back to watching Oprah.”
Mistake #2 is that we ladies have watched too many movies and expect some magical romantic moment complete with billowing curtains and Berlin singing “Take My Breath Away” in the background. That kind of moment may happen once in a while (well without Berlin), but chances are that is not the norm. And I think the expectation that sex should be like this puts a lot of pressure on our husbands. It is more likely that a moment that starts out very romantic ends up with a misplaced elbow or someone rolling off the bed. I have one friend (who will remain nameless) whose box spring gave out and they laughed their way through it and are still laughing about it to this day.
So don’t be afraid to laugh together. There is something about laughter that just makes an intimate moment all that more intimate. Laugh when you try something new that goes horribly wrong. Or laugh when you do the same thing that is tried and true, but it goes horribly wrong. Find a way to laugh about the fact you just possibly had the worst sex of your marriage (not at each your hubby ladies, WITH each other). Or laugh cause you just had the best sex of your marriage and you are so happy you married each other. The point is, lighten up and have some fun.
If I haven’t convinced you, maybe this article can. It states that the secrets to keeping a healthy, nimble mind is sex, laughter and dark chocolate. It’s a scientific fact ladies, and you just can’t argue with science. Man, I love it when science tells me to eat more chocolate…
So rumor has it men think about sex every seven seconds. Actually, that is an urban legend. But I would still bet they think about it a heck of a lot more than we do. How can we possibly find time to think about sex when we have so many more pressing things on our mind (laundry, kids schedules, the state of the house, neighborhood crime, whether our kids is normal, our next blog post…).
Maybe the problem is our brain is filled with so much stuff, we aren’t focusing on what is important. It is really hard to get in the mood for sex when we have 300 other things flooding our mind. There is the old joke of the woman thinking “Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige” during sex. I think the problem is we shouldn’t wait until we are in the middle of things to try and push everything out of our brain. Women are great multi-taskers, but this is one time when we should be ONLY focusing on the task at hand.
I think it is really helpful to take some time before everything gets started to clear our mind and think about our hubbies. There is something to be said for “mind over matter.” Sometimes “getting in the mood” is much more of a mental thing than a physical thing. In other words, when the hubby gives you that look, maybe you need to take a few moments by yourself thinkin’ some sexy thoughts and getting yourself ready. Better yet, if you took my advice and scheduled yourself some lovin’ you can even start earlier in the day. Consider it “mental foreplay.”
Now here is the only caveat. We are thinking sexy thoughts about our husband. Not Brad Pitt (and that hair in Legends of the Fall), not Tom Cruise (pre weird couch jumping), not Matthew McConaughey (who can’t seem to find his shirt). No thinking about that made up super husband you saw in some romantic comedy. No thinking about that long haired, muscle bound guy on the cover of a romance novel. We are thinking about having some smokin’ sex with our hubbies.
If you start early enough in the day, you might get yourself so worked up the kids get put to bed at 6 pm. Your kids won’t know what hit them. I guarantee your hubby definitely won’t know what hit him. Again, you can direct all cards, gifts and jewelry my way.
Grab your calendars ladies. We are schedulin’ ourselves some sex. Scheduling you say? That is so boring and unspontaneous. Spontaneous? If you are waiting for the mood to strike you, your hubby could be waiting a loooong time. I would bet spontaneous isn’t working too great for you (or your hubby).
Here’s the upside. You will be having regular sex. Your hubby will be happy. You will have less nights that end with “the look” when you are too tired to even function. You may even grow to look forward to those nights on the calendar with excitement and anticipation.
Alright, you can do this one of two ways. But February is the month to jump on board this challenge. Choice number one- pick a night and stick to it. Just make sure to let everyone know that Sunday night is sex night so people don’t disturb you. Ok, so maybe not that last part. Choice number two- you and the hubby get out the calendars and coordinate your schedules. Find the nights without commitments and stresses and pencil in a little horizontal mambo (I have been waiting to utilize the euphemism and it just felt right…sorry).
I won’t tell you which of the two methods we are choosing. Just please don’t call on Friday nights after 10:30.
Yeah, you read that right. Where is it written that sex has to be at night? Yes, it’s dark and the kids are in bed, but how tired are you? Most days, I am so exhausted by the end of the day it is all I can do to climb up the stairs and into bed.
Now, I realize an actual nooner is probably out of the question most days. The hubby is at work and the kids keep annoyingly expect you to feed them. However, last week you shook up the location, maybe this week you can shake up the time of day.
Set the alarm a little before the kids wake up and start your day with a bang. Or would it be so wrong to stick the kids in front of some morning cartoons and head upstairs? You know they could zone out for hours in front of the tube and truth be told you don’t really need near that long (maybe you could squeeze in a nap too). Or try when the kids are napping, just make sure the door is locked in case of an early wake up. If you really want to be adventurous wake up your hubby in the middle of the night. I have a feeling he won’t mind…
So remember that scene in When Harry Met Sally…no not that scene, I have already told you ladies, we are not to be “faking it”. This scene:
Sally Albright: And Joe and I used to talk about it, and we’d say we were so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. We can fly off to Rome on a moment’s notice…… And I went home, and I said, “The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment’s notice.”
Harry Burns: And the kitchen floor?
Sally Albright: Not once. It’s this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.
Ours is hardwood, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Either way, it got me thinkin’, what if we did something outrageous and crazy and had sex in a different room? Post kids and 7 years into marriage, it is amazing what is considered outrageous and crazy.
So your challenge this week is to find an “un-christened” corner of your house and “christen” it. If you want to be lame, pick the guest room. If you want to be adventurous, the kitchen floor (although I have to agree with Meg Ryan on this one, that does not sound appealing). Just pick a room, any room and mix it up a bit. If you want to be REALLY adventurous, don’t stop picking until you have “christened” the whole house. That is like a level 5 challenge. Participate at your own risk. Also, don’t let me know if you are participating on that level cause I will be really weirded out the next time I am at your house.
We are taking a break from giving you a challenge to work on this week. Instead I want to take a brief moment to get a bit serious and discuss a different kind of challenge. It’s the challenge of maintaining an active and exciting sex life without compromising your purity. I am going way out on a limb and way out of my comfort zone, but because I feel this is so important, I am taking that risk. I have a dear friend who just went through an ugly divorce because of a problem that I think is sadly avoided in Christian circles. In fact, her ex-husband once confessed this problem to a group of Christian men and he was shunned. The problem I refer to is porn. In this case, it started with porn and spiraled into affairs and worse. Devastating does not even begin to describe her experience.
Porn is a 57 billion dollar industry. Can you even wrap your brain around that number? Sadly, 50% of Christian men admit to viewing it. 13% of women also confess to the same thing. I have had a few conversations lately with men and women whose lives and marriages have suffered major devastation because of porn coming into their lives.
Let me just give you my humble opinion on the matter. Porn has no business in your marriage. I have heard people argue that it enhances things in the bedroom or that it is just something their hubby watches and it is no big deal. Let me just caution you about this. First of all, who can live up to a porn movie? Not only the bodies, but the unrealistic performances. There is nothing realistic or healthy about it. The problem is it causes us to start to view sex as “dirty” and “forbidden.” God did not create sex to be either. I would implore you to take a good hard look at the affect this is truly having on your marriage.
I am not an expert in this matter and thankfully it is not something that has been an issue in our marriage. However, let’s not as women be naive about our husband’s struggles. Nearly all men struggle with lust, and porn just feeds that struggle. I am certainly not suggesting that every man is a closet sex addict, but I am certainly advocating that we do whatever we can to protect the sanctity of our marriages.
If this is something that you think may be a problem in your marriage head over to one of my favorite organizations helping Christians overcome their addictions XXXChurch or New Life Ministries. To read about God’s amazing grace when working through a husband’s betrayal head over here. In the end, our challenge in marriage isn’t just about having great sex, it’s to maintain a great and healthy sex life over the long haul of marriage.
Ah, it is that time of the year again. Time to look back over all your failures of the past year and set yourself up for all sorts more in the coming year. This is also known as setting New Year’s resolutions. Here at the Diaper Diaries, we are trying not to do resolutions, but instead we are calling them “goals.” Not sure why that makes me feel better, but it does.
So for the umpteenth year in a row, we are revisiting the “goal” of healthier living. You know, eat better, exercise more, remember to wash your face at night, etc. I bet you thought since this was the weekly challenge post I would have a New Year’s resolution to have more sex. Sorry hubby, maybe next year. I kid, I kid, that’s what this whole challenge has been about.
Anyway, there are a whole boatload of studies linking how we take care of ourselves to the quality of our sex life. Not only is it a self esteem issue, there are all sorts of other factors at play. Sex is an aerobic activity and it requires a healthy heart to get the blood flowing to all the right places. Also, if we are constantly fatigued from eating bad foods and couch potato living, sex is going to be the last thing on our minds.
So, I would encourage you to spend a bit of time thinking about how you take care our your body. What are your eating habits? I recently read an interesting article about a diet and supplements that can increase your sexual desire. It involved a whole lot of fish oil tablets. My fish oil tablets have a big statement on the label that says “Does not cause fish burps.” Thank God for that cause nothing screams sexual turn off like fish burps. I have no idea what that means, but the hubby is thinking the fish oil thing is worth a try. Either way, a healthy diet just makes you feel better all over which may make you more up for a little roll in the hay.
You ever seen the “Let’s Get Physical” video? Nothing screams sexy like Olivia Newton John and spandex. Sexy outfits aside, exercise is a great stress reliever and as mommies we know stress can definitely get in the way of bedroom activities. Heck, sex itself is exercise. You can burn about 7 calories per 5 minutes of sex. Um…maybe you should keep your gym membership too. The point is some cardio and flexibility training might do wonders for your sex life.
Finally, I would be remiss if I did not highlight one particular exercise that is very important for anyone who has pushed a very large baby through a very small opening. Kegel exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles which often get stretched out during pregnancy (along with a multitude of other things). Not only is this helpful in saving money on Depends, it can help make your sex life more gratifying. Check out some tips in this article.
So there you have it. One more reason to head to the gym and lay off the Cheetos. If you are like me and love to eat, but hate to exercise, I leave you with this piece of encouraging news. Research has shown that women who eat a lot of chocolate report having much more satisfying sex lives. Is that the best news you have heard in your whole life? Suddenly that entire bag of M&Ms you consumed while waiting for your plane doesn’t seem so bad. Not that I know anything about that…
How Merry is the hubby’s Christmas going to be? This Christmas week, your challenge is to have a conversation with your husband asking him what you could do to improve your sex life. How scary is that?
Does your hubby know you are taking The Challenge? Has he even noticed if you are? I will confess even as the “challenger”, I have not participated in every week. Life just gets in the way sometimes. Maybe this is the week you tell him about it and see if there is anything on the list he particularly wishes you would have participated in. If you are an A student in your weekly assignments, then is there anything we haven’t discussed that would make his holidays a little brighter?
The hubby and I don’t usually give each other gifts for Christmas and anniversaries. Instead, we give the gift of time- a fancy date night, theater tickets, a weekend away, etc. We then use these times to check in with each other and see how “we” are doing. By we, I don’t mean us separately, or mommy and daddy, but hubby and wife. Often that conversation inevitably leads to how we are doing in the bedroom. Ladies, it is time for that conversation.
Now, here are the rules.
Nothing like leaving a crazy hard challenge for “the most wonderful time of the year.” If it is too scary, you can always pretend you were too busy with the holidays to read it. I won’t know either way (but Jesus will…I’m just sayin’)
