The Diaper Diaries

but hopefully not full of crap

Works for Me Wednesday- Marriage Advice October 2, 2007

Filed under: Works for me Wednesdays — thediaperdiaries @ 10:13 pm

wfmwheader_161.jpg Today is “Backwards Day” over at Rocks in My Dryer. We are to ask one of our burning questions and get your brilliant answers.

Some of you may know, the hubby and I teach marriage prep at our church. Well, it starts up this weekend and I would love some fresh inspiration to pass on.

So my question is this: What is the best piece of marriage advice you could offer?

FYI- mine is this: Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. If you approach marriage this way you inevitably will be disappointed when your spouse isn’t giving his 50 and you will become resentful and stop giving your 50. A recipe for disaster as there will be seasons where you aren’t living up to your vows. Instead, approach marriage as 100/0. No matter what your spouse is giving, you will always give 100% expecting nothing in return. You will most likely find that your spouse usually meets you with 100% also.

That works for me. For more blogs awaiting your brilliant wisdom, head over to Rocks in My Dryer.

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56 Responses to “Works for Me Wednesday- Marriage Advice”

  1. Melanie Says:

    The best advice is to first honor God with the way you treat your spouse. No matter what hubs does, you have to answer to God for your own actions. The other is to ignore the world’s view of marriage, especially for wives. The world sees it as a game or competition-who is right, who is in charge. God sees it as a partnership. So exciting to hear about a couple mentoring other couples! :>)

  2. Kellyn Says:

    I have found that the best piece of advise for marriage is simple. “Remember that the things that drive you crazy today, are the things you will miss tomorrow.”

  3. My top pieces of advice are…

    1. Try to learn what each other’s love language is, and try to “speak” it to them. Although I think we both knew what the other really liked, when we actually talked about it out loud, it made a huge difference. It was especially eye opening to my husband that him doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom meant WAY more to me than him trying to be romantic with a bouquet of flowers.

    2. Respect your husband, and let him know that you respect him. I think too often, people think this is an old fashion idea that modern women shouldn’t do. Respect is not old fashion. And, it doesn’t mean agreeing this every thing he says or does. Respect means so much to men, and if a man feels like his wife respects him, I think it really lifts him up. Like wise, as it says in the Bible, a husband should then in turn love his wife enough to be willing to lay down his life for her, or at least do the dishes. Okay…maybe that’s not in there, but I suspect it was supposed to be. 😉

  4. Ewokgirl Says:

    Laugh with each other daily. If you can’t laugh together, life will feel unbearably long.

  5. Charlotte Says:

    I once heard an old woman say that the way she stayed happily married for so long was to “find out what he doesn’t like, and don’t to it!”

    Now if only it were as easy to practice as it is to preach!

  6. Julie Says:

    Just ditto everything Angie said!!!

  7. smkirklin Says:

    My best piece of advice is to never talk poorly about your spouse to others. People might remember those bad things that you shared about your spouse even when you have forgotten about them. I think it’s one of the best ways to show respect for your spouse.

  8. Macy Says:

    Content communication. Meaning, that if you need something or want something done, just use your words! And only your words. You don’t let body language or tone of voice be the thing you respond to.

    I’ve found this to be such a helpful concept. Often, we think that if someone loves us, they will be able to magically understand what we want or need. (“If he really loved me, he’d just know what I want for my birthday! I shouldn’t have to tell him!”) And then we are disappointed and angry when they don’t pick up on our hints or they don’t understand our tone of voice or body language. When you content communicate, you both work hard to make your words mean exactly what you are saying. (“Yes, I would love to spend my entire day off working in the yard with you.” is taken at face value and accepted as exactly what the speaker means – even if the statement is accompanied by rolling eyes and sighing.)

    It is tough to do when things get emotional, but has been a great tool for hubby and I.

  9. Kacie Says:

    The best advice I received while planning our wedding was: “Remember that you’re planning a marriage, not a wedding. A wedding lasts a day. A marriage, a lifetime.”

  10. Try to learn the fine art of compromise…my husband is better than me at this. I’m still learning. 🙂

  11. Jane Says:

    Gosh! We always joke that seperate bathrooms and a king sized bed have saved us! Seriously though, we have had to learn that we have different fight styles. I like to talk it out right away and not stop until everything is better. Dh likes to go off alone and think things through alone. We have learned a compromise. 1 hour in seperate rooms and then we talk it out until it’s done.

  12. Jen Says:

    Love and see him the way that God does.

  13. Wendylicious Says:

    Two pieces from me.

    On my wedding day, 18 years ago, my Aunt Myrtle told me “Never go to bed angry” and that has been our rule since then. Even if we stay up all night.

    Secondly, we remember to always fight fairly, we never raise our voice, and when an argument is done…it’s done. We NEVER bring up past issues!

  14. Fighting will actually strengthen your marriage, if you do it right.

    Recognize that the things you fight about and the way you approach conflict will completely change from dating/engagement to marriage. It’s simply a whole different animal.

    Listen to one another when you are in conflict. Repeat back what you think you just heard. Try your best not to take any of the comments personally, but remember that anger is almost always a reaction to a deeper fear or pain.

    Oh, and remember, when you have kids, all the rules change again (but that’s a whole other preparation class)!

  15. Susan Says:

    Everyone else left such great advice. Part of compromise is to also ask for forgiveness and mean it. Boy is that hard to admit when I am wrong! I also like the laugh everyday, and be able to laugh at yourself!!! I think both of my tips attack pride issues. Pride, me????

  16. Kathy in WA Says:

    These are great tips! What a good question to pose to the blogging world. Let’s see, what else can I add to those good suggestions? How about:

    Make time for conversation and fun – schedule dates, go for walks, play games, figure out activities that you both enjoy and make them a priority

    Pray together! This one is HUGE. Nothing unifies a marriage and puts problems and life itself in perspective like time spent together in prayer. Set a timer for 15 minutes and try it.

    Extend grace, practice basic manners, forgive often.

    Duckabush Blog

  17. zoe Says:

    Hang in there, when it’s not so good, even if it’s by the skin of your teeth and make a decision to love. That’s what it had to be for me, we had problems and I got to the point where I just couldn’t do it any more, I didn’t hate him but I didn’t love him either, I felt NOTHING, and that’s when some Godly friends challenged me to CHOOSE to love him. That it wasn’t about what he did or didn’t do, that I had to make the choice. I truly believe that was the turn around moment for us and you would not believe HOW DIFFERENT he is now, in a good way. Almost unrecognisable from the man he was.

  18. Georgia Mom Says:

    I have many, but the one I’ll write about is, pray and ask the Lord to help you fall in the love with the man you married, not the man you “hoped” you’d marry. We all have images of the “perfect husband”. He doesn’t exsist. Early in my marriage I was disappointed because my marriage wasn’t what I thought it would be. I went to the Lord and prayed that God would show me how to fall in love who my husband REALLY is and let go of the fantasy. That changed our marriage. What I found was my husband was more than I could have expected. My love for him grew so deep and I stopped resenting the fact that he wasn’t who I thought he should be. I really fell in love with him and could appreciate the person God had choosen for me to spend the rest of my life with. 13 years later, we’re going strong! Does that make sense?

    Have fun and let us know how it goes!

  19. coachmarcia Says:

    Oooh, what a great question. As I was reading your post, I had my answer and then…I read further and your own great advice is exactly mine. I actually ALWAYS write that in any wedding cards 🙂

    I’m a coach and when I do relationship coaching, one of the best exercises I do with my clients is the “remember why you got together with him/ her” exercise. We all need to focus in on what brought us together because like someone else said, that is sometimes what starts annoying you.

    E.g. you loved that he was stable and together, and now you think he’s boring 🙂 you get what I mean. But if you focus in and remember he’s reliable, dependable, etc. you’ll fall in love with it all over again.

    And of course prayer. But I like practical things people can do because not all people I coach are Christian.

    http://takechargeofyourlife.blogspot.com

  20. Amy Says:

    Our pastor told us to always go to bed at the same time, together obviously. Even if it means one of you goes and lays down and “tucks” the other one in. This has helped us alot because it’s when we talk and have hf(horizontal fellowship)!

  21. Milehimama Says:

    I totally agree with the 100%/0% rule.

    Also, have inside jokes. Have things that only the two of you know/family lore and culture.

    Another piece of advice that has served me well:
    Only speak of your spouse in an edifying way. Don’t tell stories about what a clueless dad he is – keep it to yourself. Don’t complain to the women at church how he never turns his socks right side out – keep it to yourself. I’m not saying to *never* have a complaint about your spouse – but don’t make those complaints into entertainment for others, even if it is really funny.

    I’ve only been married 10 years, but that works for us!

  22. Jes Says:

    I was just reading Titus 2 this morning and read how the older women are supposed to teach younger women to love their husbands. That particular verse hit me different this morning than it ever has.
    It made me start thinking about all the verses given to us that tell us to Love our neighbors, love our spouses, love our enemies, or love our children.
    This world thinks love is a butterfly in your stomach feeling. Most marriages come to an end because after a while that feeling leaves and they think they “fell out of love”.
    I think something people going into marriage need to know is that Love is an action. You will have to make the choice some days to keep loving your spouse. If it was easy God wouldn’t have to remind us a million times to love each other!

  23. Esther Says:

    Don’t try to change him! Ask God to change your heart and make him feel special. Respect him! He needs to feel needed and manly.

  24. Jaenlle Says:

    For me, the biggest thing is knowing that it not working out is not an option. It’s not on the table and it never will be. All of these other tips work if you approach your marriage that you HAVE to make it work. Then you know to keep looking until you find the right way as a couple to work though all circumstances.

  25. SAHMmy Says Says:

    I love your advice! My tip would be to affair-proof your marriage. Yes, you trust each other, but there’s no reason to invite trouble. Don’t entertain friends or coworkers of the opposite sex when your spouse isn’t there. Don’t get involved in emailing or chatting–or blogging–with cyber friends–“virtual” affairs hurt too! Don’t even get in a car or visit a restaurant alone with a member of the opposite sex–unless they’re a blood relative. You also can’t make it ok to spend time with some people and not with others; to think, “It’s OK if I give you a ride home–you’re fat and unattractive, so my husband won’t be threatened!” is not the point. The bible talks about not being a stumbling block to your brother (forget where, sorry!). So even if you have absolutely no doubt in your mind that you would never ever ever ever cheat on your spouse, there are plenty of people who are not so strong and may be influenced by your actions.

  26. Shalee Says:

    1. Learn that you don’t have to be right/in control all the time.

    2. Love, accept and respect him for the man that God made him to be.

    3. DATE!!! Strive to spend time with just him at least once a week, either out of the house or by putting the kids to bed early and having a date at home night.

  27. kel Says:

    That advice is the same advice my mom gave me when I got married. It sounded sad to me at the time, but it’s true!

  28. canearl Says:

    So much good advice! Mine is simple- pick your battles. I’ll never forget a boss of mine telling us how he was painting his dining room for the third time because his wife couldn’t pick a color. We all looked at him like he was crazy and he told us that he picks his battles and this isn’t a battle he cares to fight. It didn’t bother him that much to paint the living room for his wife so he didn’t bitch about it. I try to always keep that in my mind when little things start to get on my nerves.

  29. Drama Mama Says:

    Learn his Love Language! I had no idea we were so opposite! I was speaking to him in my language! No wonder we were miles apart!
    HIGHLY RECCOMMEND this book!
    The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley

  30. joyfulnotes Says:

    My advice is NEVER STOP HAVING FUN! We still play “car games” together (you know, finding snug bugs and playing alphabet games and license plate games), we also sit down every once in a while to play a card or board game together, or laugh at a funny movie! Whatever made dating fun for you and your spouse, keep doing that when married! 🙂

  31. Mandy Houk Says:

    “We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed and unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a ‘getaway.’ We cannot love and be limited.” – Alfred Adler

    That pretty much sums it up for me: never consider quitting; never limit yourself in loving, trusting, and showing affection to your mate.

  32. Heather Says:

    Communication. Not all marriages are going to last no matter how hard you work at them. However, I have found that communication has been the strongest asset me and my husband have. Talking openly and honestly — with no name calling and no blows below the belt as it were. Our marriage was put to the test recently — and the first thing I noticed is he wasn’t talking to me as much. His frustration level at work went way beyond his comfort zone and once we talked openly about how it was affecting our marriage he quit that job. And yes, pick your battles carefully — getting him to talk was a fight. And worth the effort.

  33. Sarah W. Says:

    My best tip would be to marry a man just like my husband, because he is awesome! He is awesome, but obviously I am kidding. But I am sort of writing from the perspective that my husband is really great, and I know not all men are.

    Even still, this is my advice:
    You get what you believe you have. If you believe your husband is the greatest man alive, then you will notice things that match that belief. If you think he is (insert something negative), you will start to notice those faults and nitpick at them.

    Another thing that other posters said that is so true is to clear about expectations. I find that if I voice my true opinion about something, then I am not disappointed. For instance, I really enjoy celebrating my birthday. I shared this with my husband early on, and now he makes sure to make a big deal of my b-day. Birthdays are not important to him, so he would not have known that otherwise!

  34. Dawn Says:

    You are getting a lot of good advice. My husband’s grandma told us when we got married, “Never go to bed angry.” We always remembered it, but for us it works better to go to bed angry, because when we wake up we’re well rested and the anger has died down and we can talk about things more rationally.

    Another piece of advice I have is to have a sense of humour. Women need to realize that men are idiots sometimes (I’m kidding, sort of) and men need to realize that women are emotional wrecks (again, kidding) and you just need to overlook their faults and realize that the opposite sexes are very different in their approaches to things and you need to learn each others’ idiosyncracies and work with them, not against them.

    Having said that, my husband and I have been together almost 20 years, so even though he’s an idiot and I’m emotional we’ve learned to deal with each other.

  35. Heather Says:

    This all great advice. Ours is similar in nature to many of these. One of our rules is don’t go to bed angry. I think it is also important to keep the lines of communication open..even if that means I need to be by myself to think through things before we talk it out. We just did a post about what women and men want in relationships on our blog. It is interesting to see the things that are different and the things that are consistent…RESPECT!

  36. Talk about money. Make a budget together and stick to it. When you don’t communicate about the financials, very bad things happen to families.

  37. momtotwoboys Says:

    My mom advised us to make the same pact that she and my dad made when they got married. The word “divorce” was not to be allowed as part of our vocabulary in our marriage. The point is to focus on working things out, as hard as it can be, through the years. Also, my husband’s aunt gave us the typical advice to never go to bed angry. There have been a couple of times we have done that, but neither of us slept well. We would have been better off staying up late and working it out.

  38. Jill Says:

    1. Pray for yourself and pray for your husband.
    2. Give more than you take.
    3. Respect your husband.
    4. Put “wife” before “mom” on your list of labels.

  39. Anne Glamore Says:

    We try to say thank you for the little things: Thanks for taking out the garbage, unloading the dishwasher- especially in front of the kids– so that we each feel appreciated each day.

    When kids come along, you’ve got to be consistent on how you’re going to raise them so you present a united front. (We’re big John Rosemond fans)

    We faced some tough issues in the first decade of marriage, mainly my health. That, combined with my mom’s sudden death, have taught us to just have fun with the family and enjoy every day. We don’t sit around wishing for tomorrow.

  40. mom2fur Says:

    My advice is simple: LIKE each other! Treat each other the way you’d treat a best friend. Would you make fun of your best friend in a mean way, or stand against her/him in an argument? Of course not! So why do some couples feel it is okay to treat each other like this? A little good-natured ribbing is fine…but know your partners sore points and avoid them. You might get a laugh when you comment on his balding head…or he might make others smile with his snide remarks that you can’t cook…but really, are either of you truly laughing on the inside? Stop…think…and make kindess and respect the watchwords of your relationship! (Trust me…after this…all the other fun stuff just falls into place!)
    BTW…I’m married for 27 years this coming November, and we dated for 9 years prior to that. So I speak from almost 36 years of experience! (And I’m still romantically in love with him!)

  41. Open, HONEST communication is essential. NEVER lie to one another about anything. Don’t hide purchases and hope he doesn’t find out. Don’t lie about where you have been. Without honesty, there is no trust.

    Expect the best of your spouse and openly appreciate them for what they bring to the marriage. You will get what you expect and focus on, so verbalize your gratitude, both to God and your spouse every day.

    Never disparage your spouses character, either to them or to outsiders. Always focus on their positive characteristics and you will never be dissatisfied.
    TM

  42. Marry a GOOD person, as opposed to a glamorous, or fun, or well-to-do person. Goodness wins out in the end.

  43. Erin Says:

    I think that the book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger titled, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” is a MUST for any wife. I had a great marriage before I read the book, but the book offers insight into a man’s wany of thinking and acting that are priceless. I am a much better wife for reading that book and have thought that if my church ever has a class for wives, I would suggest it as a basis for the class.

  44. elizabeth Says:

    Don’t be jealous. It’s nice for other people to (appropriately:)) like, appreciate and admire your husband. He is really great, right?

    Show appreciation. He probably does lots of things to make your day go better. He won’t know you notice unless you tell him.

    Say what’s on your mind. Don’t expect him to read your mind that you’d like for him to do/say/try something else.

    If, for some reason, you have married a man who makes you feel badly about yourself, or if he hurts you, get help. Something’s going wrong, and you need a change.

  45. GranMarty Says:

    A very wise man told us never to call each other names, that he had found that crossing that line often had serious implications. His words always came back to both of us when we were seriously tempted. It is bad enough to say, “That’s a stupid idea,” but far worse to say, “You are stupid.” It is a line we never crossed, and which kept us from saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment that we would regret later.

    We both agreed early in our marriage (after our first married fight) that there was no personal characteristic or preference that was sacred and immune from the effort to change. That was prompted by my husband’s statement, “That’s just the way I am, and I can’t change it.” We both realized that was not a position that either of us wanted to take with the other.

    Loyalty at all costs, especially not being critical, sniping at one another, or showing disrespect in front of others. No complaining to other people about all the rough edges of marriage and the other person’s lack of thoughtfulness, personal habits, etc.

    There were a few couples whose company was not healthy for our own marriage because of the way they treated each other. Separate friendships with the individuals was usually possible, but we tried to avoid spending much time with them as couples.

    We agreed upon a dollar amount that neither of us would exceed in a purchase without discussion and mutual agreement. We probably violated that agreement only a very few times, and in each case, the exception was warranted. Well, in my memory it was. Maybe that’s because my husband was usually violating it to buy me a gift. 🙂

    If we squabbled or fought in front of our children, we tried to apologize and make up in front of our children or we discussed the resolution with them. We believed they needed to see healthy resolution of conflict and personal forgiveness – to understand conflict was inevitable in relationships, but that forgiveness was not optional.

    We made a lot of mistakes, but I probably made many more. One was the idea that every conflict and disagreement had to be settled before we went to sleep. The reason that wasn’t always a good thing for us is that much of my angst was the result of fatigue or hormones. Sleep cured the first and hormones usually settled down after some rest too. I’m sure I drove my poor husband nuts, especially in those first few years. I was often embarrassed the next day to have gotten so wound up over some relatively unimportant issue and, even worse, to have kept him up over it.

    It embarrasses me that I was rarely the first to apologize, even though I know it is far better to be committed to humility and confession of wrong than to stand on one’s own (non-existent) righteousness.

    I learned better not to expect him to read my mind, but it was a long struggle.

    Looking back, I see that even though we didn’t articulate it, we each knew ourselves to be more in need of God’s grace than we could ever imagine. And that may have made it easier to offer grace to one another over the long haul. I hate to thing of the times when I was haughty and ungracious, but the need to continually return to the gospel was a driving force in our lives.

    And this is way to long. The End.

  46. xboxwife Says:

    Do not put all of your eggs in your children’s baskets! So many people make their marriage all about their kids that they forget what brought them together was EACH OTHER!!

    Great question!

    Mrs. Brownstone @ XBOX Wife
    http://xboxwife.blogspot.com/

  47. yestheyareallmine Says:

    Start as you mean to continue. If you start out babying someone or doing everything for someone then they will be shocked, hurt and confused when you just stop because you are giving so much and needing more in return.

  48. childrenofniobi Says:

    Romance is great and, to many people necessary. The downside of that is that many people want a “perfect” marriage and are disappointed and act resentful when their marriage doesn’t live up to that.

    The problem is that there’s no such thing as perfect marriage, because there’s no such thing as a perfect person.

    Often people say that marriage is about compromise, but how is that different than any interpersonal relationship? Rarely do we find situations that include more than one person where everybody involved gets everything they want from the situation.

    So try not to think of marriage as some type of extraordinary situation within which you must compromise all the time…that type of grandiose thinking makes a lot of people feel pressured and uncomfortable.

    Just remember…your spouse should be your best friend. Treat them as such. Be open and communicative. Be kind and thoughtful. Call your spouse out on things when they need it (not when YOU need it!). Be supportive. Be a good listener.

    And don’t sit around thinking about things in your relationship that aren’t “fair”. Fairness is not a word that should be associated with a successful marriage in most cases. As has been wisely pointed out elsewhere in here, marriage is not 50/50. Give without expectation. Appreciate what you get wholeheartedly. You’ll feel better and you’ll both be happier 🙂

  49. Angel the Pig Says:

    The best advice I ever got about marriage came from reading Kurt Vonnegut’s take on divorce in his book “Palm Sunday.”

    He said:
    “I am going to write a play about the breakup of a marriage, and at the end of the play I am going to have a character say what people should say to each other in real life at the end of a marriage: ‘I’m sorry. You, being human, need a hundred affectionate and like-minded companions. I’m only one person. I’ve tried, but I could never be a hundred people to you. You’ve tried, but you could never be a hundred people to me. Too bad. Good-bye.’

    Moral of the story: Don’t forget that marriage is a partnership of two unique individuals. It is okay for each of you to have outside interests, friends and hobbies. You need to allow each other time to pursue these other things, just be sure to strike a balance between alone time and couple time.

  50. Administrator Says:

    when you have arguments, and trust me you will, do not bring up old hurts or past wrong doings. don’t use profanity, shout or bring up the in-laws. remember that your spouse is not a mind reader so if something is bothering you, tell them, if you want something, ask for it, if you need something speak up and no matter what you do don’t EVER go to bed angry -my husbad and i would keep a cassette tape of bill cosby (they didn’t have cd players back in the stone age) on our bedtable and when we got into bed, we’d play a few minutes of the tape. laughter is a great healer, and it helps you to fall asleep easier too. put on a cd of a favorite comedian, tell a funny joke or share a funny experience. give each other a hug and a kiss, then tell God why you are thankful for your spouse and pray for each other before turning in for the night. marriage isn’t perfect because we aren’t perfect. it isn’t a democracy either because sometimes you have to give up your freedom and independance and sometimes your spouse will have to give up theirs. sometimes meeting them halfway isn’t enough, you’ll have to walk that extra mile, but if you ask God to give you the strength, courage, wisdom and love to do so, Jesus will walk that mile with you.

  51. sll Says:

    Everyday evening when you return home after a long day, have a 30-second kiss! (Just kissing….NO GROPING!) It gets rid of any hurt or anger! You cannot kiss someone for 30 seconds and not smile at the end of it!

    Also pray for each other each day! It’s so nice to know that my husband is praying for me and loves knowing that I’m lifting him up in prayer, too!

    Married for 15 years with 4 Little Ones!

  52. lifeafterbaby Says:

    (1) Choose to love each other even when you really don’t feel like you like each other. That’s a good definition of commitment.
    (2). SEX. And lots of it. But only with each other.
    (3) Reminisce–remember the good times, the great times, the funny times, the monumental marriage blunders, the funny inside jokes.
    (4) Dream–don’t forget that you each have dreams–ask your spouse about theirs and don’t laugh at them or crush them. Let them revel in them or try to make them come true.
    (5) Honesty–be authentic, gently.

  53. ABC Says:

    I’ve only been married for 5 years but we have some great ideas that have really worked for us:
    1. Fights happen, but it helps to have a “special word or phrase” that makes both of you laugh. Either my husband and I always say this while we’re fighting and then we stop and just laugh. We can then calmly discuss the issue because laughing has calmed us down.
    2. Take 5 minutes a day to just sit with each other. On the couch, at the end of the day, even if the TV is on, just sit with each other. Cuddle, kiss… it really calms you down and reconnects you after a busy day.
    3. Maybe take the men aside and discuss how raising children is not a mother’s job and it’s not 1955. My husband has been so involved since day 1, and got up at night when my daughter was still night waking. He loves the connection our daughter has with him and feels sad for his friends who leave more of the work to their wives. Now their babies cry when they are alone with Daddy. I actually like the change of taking out the trash while my husband gives our daughter a bath.
    Hope this helps!

  54. That is great advice. Mine would be (and it is something I have to work on myself) is accepting your spouse for who he/she is and not trying to change them.

    Jane, Pinks & Blues

  55. Jendeis Says:

    Great question!

    (1) Choose your battles. World War III does not have to be the result after the fifteen-billionth time he forgets to pick up the wet bath mat and spread it on top of the tub.

    (2) Make an effort to spend time away from your husband. That is, go out with friends and spend time just with yourself. Your marriage is made of two people, not just one couple.

    (3) Laugh with each other every day.

  56. Kathryn Says:

    Never borrow money.

    If you do borrow money, never let it be more than 25% of just ONE of your incomes. Save the rest.

    Finances are one of the biggest causes of breakups and problems in marriages today.


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