I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I am not sure if I always loved children, but I have as far back as my memory serves. I even worked with children before I had my own, “mothering” other people’s kids for a living. The first moment I held my first daughter in my arms, I felt like I was home.
Then all the euphoria wore off and the panic set in. My mom had come to stay with us after we had Lily, and I can still vividly remember taking Mom to get on a plane to go back home. I practically wrapped my arms around her legs and begged her to stay. How would I possibly do this by myself? Who in their right mind let me leave the hospital with this precious child thinking that I possibly knew what I was doing? But I managed to figure out what I was doing, and in those moments when I didn’t, we got through.
What has never changed since that first moment is the intensity of the love I felt for this amazing little being cradled in my arms. It is incomparable to any other love on Earth. I love and adore my husband, but there is something different about the love I feel for him. It is not so protective or so fierce (yet it isn’t any less, just different). What’s amazing is that incomparable feeling isn’t any less intense with Hannah. What’s even more amazing is that being their mom is better than I ever thought it would be.
So, why am I grateful for my children? I am grateful because everyday they allow me to fulfill my dream of being a mom. It is the most wonderful, terrifying, frustrating, exhausting, joyful, humorous, humbling job I could ever ask for. And everyday I am challenged to be not only a better mom, but a better person. They challenge me to be more patient, kind, humble, forgiving, creative, and even more childlike. When I look at this list, I am struck by something. Although some days it is definitely not the case, in our best moments my kids help me become the mom, the woman, and the person that God wants me to be. For that, I am eternally grateful.
This post was written as part of MamaBlogga’s November Group Writing Project.