Let me start with my hubby, who reigns supreme in this area. I truly have never met another human being with his “gifts” ( that’s what he thinks they are). I was made aware of this problem early on when we were dating. You see, we lived in the same apartment building when we met so that led to a greater than usual time spent together in early dating. One night he confessed to me that he had been going home every night with horrible stomach cramps because he had been holding in his gas. I told him it was no big deal and he could let one rip. Biggest mistake of my life.
I should have known it might be a problem when he began to introduce me to his friends. Nearly every one of them asked me, as one of their first questions mind you, if I knew about his gas. I should have been very scared, but love is blind (and apparently has lost all sense of smell.
Then came the actions. What you say? The actions. Like the gunfire he mimed while letting one rip. Or the one where the fart propelled him across the room. There was drumming, dancing, God only knows what else (I have blocked it out). Somehow he wooed me despite his theatrics.
Now, I will not claim to be gas free. I can hold my own with the best of them. I truly don’t understand these women who say they don’t pass gas in front of their spouse. To me that is just part of the “worse” in the better or worse vows. Plus it seems to me that would make for some very painful marital years.
So it should come as no surprise to anyone that my daughters think “tooting” as we call it is something to be celebrated. Even little Hannah, at age 1, giggles her little head off whenever she happens to let out a little toot. Lily will let one go in the most un-ladylike way. I try and reprimand, but that is very hard to do while giggling right along with her. Why is it this behavior brings out the 4 year old in me too?
This post truly has no point whatsoever except to embarrass all members of my family (including me) and scar them for life. I am fresh out of witty and appropriate topics so this is what I am left with. If my readership plummets after today, I will fully understand. Tomorrow, I will be back to my prim and proper self (at which point all who know me burst into inappropriate laughter).