The Diaper Diaries

but hopefully not full of crap

Memories of the hood- Part 2 March 2, 2008

Filed under: Random Life Moments — thediaperdiaries @ 10:07 pm

voodoo.jpg So one thing about living in the hood, is that our neighborhood was extremely ethnically diverse. In our building we had Phillipinos, Nigerians, African Americans, Hispanics, and people from the Caribbeans. So it was a nice little melting pot and I was exposed to a few different cultures. Like the woman from Nigeria who would wear shorts in her apartment in the winter and then jack the heat up to 86 degrees. Since heat was included in our assessment this wouldn’t really pose a problem except that we lived above her and heat rises. Meaning our condo would begin to bake and I would have to crack the windows in the dead of winter. How energy efficient!

The most interesting exchange happened shortly after we put out condo on the market. I was staying home full time, so it was just Lily and I in the apartment. I walked by the front window and noticed a woman and her two children out in our front courtyard. This was unusual because we lived on a one way dead end street (no I am not kidding) so no one really was ever out in front of the condo. In fact, you just never really saw people out and about in general unless they were walking in from their car.

Something about the behavior of this woman caused me to take notice. She and her children were walking in circles around the for sale sign and making odd gestures. I cracked the window and could hear some weird chanting going on. Let me just say this didn’t sound like the “I wish you nothing but blessings in the sale of your house” kind of chanting. Not that I am so familiar with that particular kind of chanting either. Anyway, this chanting was more of an angry kind. And I would hear her instruct her children to “walk around the sign 3 times and then turn toward the street and lift your hands.” Yeah, totally creepy.

So I called my husband at work and said in a calm and rational tone, “Honey, there is a woman outside the building putting some sort of voodoo hex on our house.” To which he replied…”What?!!” Then as I am talking to him, she begins to dig up some dirt next to the sign and throw it in the air while chanting and smearing on the sign. Man, you seriously couldn’t even make this stuff up. She ends by ripping off part of the For Sale sign and throwing over a fence that was next to the ravine across the street.

So at this point, I am majorly freaking out. I am praying that God would protect our house and dialing the police. That is a fantastically fun phone call to make by the way, “Um yes, officer, there is a crazy lady out front putting a voodoo hex on my house with her children.” At this point I look out the window so I can give the officer a proper description and at that moment she looks up into my window and our eyes lock. She screams, “What are you looking at profanity that could also describe a female dog.” Well, actually she used the exact word.

I am not going to lie to you. I dropped to the floor and crawled over to the door to make sure it was dead-bolted. I should also mention we had a locked door to get into the building, but I wasn’t taking any chances. The police are still on the phone and I am all like, “Oh my gosh, she saw me, SHE SAW ME!!!” Now 3 years later I am giggling while typing this, but my heart is still racing a little just thinking about it.

So the cops are coming, and I call the hubby and tell him he must come home immediately. He tells me he will be right there which would be great except this is Chicago and “right there” means he will be home in 45 minutes. So the cops show up, ask me some questions and then go trolling around the block looking for this woman. They find her in the back alley way in a garage and she tells them she doesn’t know what they are talking about.

The hubby gets home and we leave to go to CVS or something. I can’t remember. When we come back there are cop cars everywhere and they are hauling this woman off. Seems they found some suspicious things in her garage… I can’t remember the details. What I do remember is that she lived in the next building. And she knew exactly where I lived, where I parked, what car I drove. I was a bit freaked out.

The best part was that I had to call my realtor to tell her the sign had been damaged. We were literally moving that weekend. So I tell her, “Um yes, there was a crazy lady out front putting a voodoo hex on my house with her children.” “Just thought you should know in case she comes and tries to put a curse on the apartment.” Not sure if there is a place on the disclosure form for “lady put voodoo curse on our house.” Oh and by the way, the people up stairs have loud, crazy middle of the night sex. Oh and the lady down stairs likes to keep her apartment at 120 degrees in the winter which makes for a nice sauna in case you want to sweat off a little extra weight. It’s really amazing we ever sold that place. Man, surburbia is so boring.

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14 Responses to “Memories of the hood- Part 2”

  1. Devon Says:

    I haven’t read these 2 posts yet, but saw on the first one about “the hood” that you lived in Evanston. FUNNY that I would not know where Evanston is except that I made a booking boo-boo back in October. We went to Chicago for our anniversary and to see Genesis in concert at United Center. I booked our hotel online…IN EVANSTON! UGH! Every day that we were there, we’d have to ride the purple train at Dempster to the red train ALLLLL the way into town! Last time I go for cheap and say “that’s not really that far” on the map………. UGH! 🙂

  2. Devon Says:

    So, now I HAVE read the 2 posts and my husband is asking from the next room what is so funny. I’m sure you were scared spitless, but it sure is a good story to tell people! I can just imagine that you are a very fun story teller in person…very expressive and I’ll bet you use lots of movements and body language! 🙂

  3. misty Says:

    i have a friend who lived in chicago for a few yrs before moving to urbana, but she would love these two stories! let’s just say she, also in newlywed poor-dom, lived in a “sketchy” neighborhood!! 🙂 i’d be freaked out w/ the voodoo lady, but you had me laughing out loud imagining your neighbors’ raucous sex life!!

  4. Char Says:

    We lived in an upper level apt. before we bought our house. In the winter time we literally NEVER had to turn on the heat! There were times I’d check the thermostat to make sure it wasn’t on because it was so hot.

  5. Ron Rowland Says:

    Ah…life’s rich pageant. I remember a couple times Annie and I stopped by that place, not realizing of course that you were apparently living in a FAR, FAR northern suburb of New Orleans! Why exactly did you leave Chicago?

  6. Heather Says:

    you can’t make that kind of stuff up, for sure!

  7. kate Says:

    you are fabulous. I love your blog and I’m so glad I found it. You have a knack for writing that i envy. look forward to reading more

  8. goodideamomma Says:

    Perhaps you should move to my neighborhood. The man that used to live across the street from me used to cross dress and perform inappropriate adult acts on blow up dolls on his porch! Suburbia can be a bit wacky!

  9. skiplovey Says:

    That’s hilarious! I never had a voodoo lady encounter in any of my hood-y neighborhood although I did see quite a few pimp fights. The moral of that story is: do not mess with a man dressed head to toe in red leather including a red leather hat. Just don’t do it.

  10. wearethatfamily Says:

    The worst part of suburbia is Bad Neighbors. Just typing that gave me the willies and reminding me of “Gina” the freaky neighbor- lady who dug through our trash and KEPT things and hung them in her garage! Thanks for reminding me.

  11. "Alicia" Says:

    Very funny story! It cracks me up how a hubcap in your yard triggered this. There now I made a comment – are you happy! Actually, I did comment on the polly pocket post and entered the scripture name contest. I wonder how many other lurkers you have out there?

  12. jubilee Says:

    Funny!
    What I want to know is, will there be a part three?! 🙂

  13. Oh Jilly Jill that is some funny stuff! My hubby and I lived in the hood when we were newlyweds. Actually when we arrived home from our honeymoon, we couldn’t get in our apartment building because there had been a drug bust there while we were gone and they had changed the outside locks! Whoops!

  14. Veronica Mitchell Says:

    It reminds me of the apartment building we lived in for the first seven years of our marriage. Besides the usual urban weirdness, our neighbors also liked strange pets. One had a rooster that kept escaping, and another had a pet pig and once a year they would clip its hooves while it screamed.


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