We had many good years together the bikini and I. Back when I was skinny I always wore one. I didn’t even think twice about it. My thighs knew no cottage cheese and my stomach was rock hard. My biggest concern was getting a top that helped me out a bit in the cleavage department. I rejoiced when Victoria Secret put out its Miracle Bra suit. I never stressed out about swimsuit season or under the harsh lights of a dressing room.
Looking back on those days…I hate that girl. She didn’t know what she had. She probably complained that a size small suit was too big. She didn’t understand that her bikini days were oh so numbered. She completely did not understand that creating cleavage is nothing compared to the miracle it would take to make a stomach stretched out after 2 kids look good without full coverage.
I dream of the day when the bikini and I might be reunited. Sometimes when I am doing my ab crunches at the gym I think to myself that it might be possible. Post kids, I moved on to the tankini, the bikini’s lamer, less popular sister. This year, I gave up the fight and bought a two piece which is the swimsuit equivalent to a retainer and a headgear. I am a couple of kids away from a full mumu.
Sometimes, I go to the pool and see women rocking the two piece with a kid on each hip. I would say that gives me hope, but instead I am just going to chose to assume they are some sort of nanny. Otherwise I would have to hate them. And that would be wrong (right?).
This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA for a chance to win $150 which I will probably spend on wine and chocolate because who am I kidding, my bikini days are sooo over.