The Diaper Diaries

but hopefully not full of crap

I thought I was done dating June 29, 2008

Filed under: Marriage — thediaperdiaries @ 10:33 pm

  I spent a fair amount of time in the dating world before I met my hubby. Let me just be frank abou that. It stunk. And I don’t ever, ever want to go back. So imagine my delight when I discovered that once you get married you still have to date.

I am not talking about the marital advice to continue to “date” your spouse. That is fantastic advice and we try and do that a few times a month. No, that part is a cake walk. I am talking about the dating of other couples.

How hard can this be? You just want to find some other couples to hang out with. There are millions of couples running around so this should be easy. But the key is, all 4 people have to like each other. Do you know how many chances there are for this equation to go awry.

The hubby once had a good girl friend (not girlfriend, but friend who was a girl) who was dating this guy and we all went out for pizza. The hubby and his friend talked non stop while I was stuck talking to Mr. Personality. Actually he was Mr. Void of Personality. Seriously, this guy grunted one word answers the whole night and was about as fun as a root canal.

Then there have been the times where I have made great girlfriends and the hubbies get together and could not have less in common. The conversation stalls 2 minutes into the evening. Or even worse you hang out with people that you think you both like, but then when you try and go out on a “date” you find you really don’t like these people at all.

I just want to be clear to any of my friends reading this that you and your spouse are quite lovely people who we would love to hang out with anytime. In all seriousness, lately I have found that the biggest hurdle to dating couples is time. Everyone is busy with kids or life and suddenly hanging out with people who only live a suburb away is a big ordeal. Or maybe their dance card is full. They already have that “couple” to hang with and they are in a monogamous couple dating relationship.

We had a few of great couples back in Chicago. The ones you could call up at 5:30 and say “Come over for a last minute BBQ and bring the kids and a bottle of wine.” The ones you could vacation with and not worry about them seeing you in the morning with your stanky breath and crazy hair. The ones who you laugh so hard with over a game of Balderdash that soda comes out your nose.

Since we have moved to Michigan, we have met some great couples that we have really hit it off with. A few we have even thought briefly we could commit to. And then suddenly, they aren’t returning your phone calls right away. You sit by the phone and leave Friday night open, but nothing. Would it kill you to pick up a phone and call? I even shaved my legs!!

So anyway, the position is still open. Must like wine, a good BBQ, a lot of laughs and possibly even a board game or two. We are currently auditioning a few couples so get in on the dating scene while you can. I am ready to get off the market already.

 

Nothin’ Like Embarrassing Your Hubby at a Classy Joint June 14, 2008

Filed under: Marriage — thediaperdiaries @ 10:48 pm

  The hubby took me out to dinner tonight for a slightly belated birthday dinner. We went to one of our favorite restaurants that is a bit on the classy side. Right up our alley…

First, let’s back up. One one of our first dates, the hubby took me to the grand opening of a swanky wine bar in downtown Chicago. At the time I thought good wine came in a box. Cause I was CLAAASSY!! I was really enjoying myself. Thinking I was fooling him into thinking I was high brow. Ok, maybe not…at some point in the night when he looked over at me, I was picking something out of my teeth. When I looked up, the look on his face pretty much confirmed that despite the fact I literally had something in my teeth, it is apparently not cool to reach in with your fingernail and pick said thing out on a date. Ok then, good to know.

So tonight to carry on the tradition of high class, I asked the waitress about poop. Well, actually poo. You see the hubby was debating getting the soft shell crab which was on special. But he was concerned that it might have poo in it. You know how when you get shrimp, you can sometimes see a black line in it if it hasn’t be de-veined. Yeah, um, that’s poo. So the hubby wanted the crab, but the poo possiblity was holding him back. So he settled on the salmon. I thought this was silly since apparently you can only get these thing like one month a year. So….when the waitress came back to take our order, I asked her if the crab contained any poo. Cause I feel it is something you should know.

Good news, no poo. The crabs have all their insides pulled out before they are cooked. MMMM, eviscerated crab. What could be more classy and romantic than poo-less, gut-less crab. And a wife who asks about poo at an upscale restaurant…the classiest.

 

And it’s done (for 3 whole months) June 3, 2008

Filed under: Marriage,Random Life Moments — thediaperdiaries @ 12:16 am

  Remember this? Yeah, that was in October. Tonight, it finally is done (actually, I could be jinxing them cause as I am writing this, the game is not quite over, but I firmly believe God has heard and will answer my hockey widow prayers). As a good wife should, I listened to the game on NHL radio while my husband was out watching the game. I even cheered a little. But I am not gonna lie, I cheered mostly because the season is finally done. And frankly, now that I am not getting facials out of the deal, I just don’t have it in me to fake excitement about this sport any longer.

Can you imagine if there was “musical season.” It lasts 9 months. Every month we went to a live show and I watched one on TV every other night. Then the playoffs came and I started peppering every conversation with statistics about the Tony awards and the eternal debate over whether Bernadette Peters was better as Annie Oakley or the witch in Into the Woods (way too tough to call). I would put a Rogers and Hammerstein bumper sticker in my back window of my car. Plead with the hubby for a room to hang my movie posters from Chicago and Grease.

*Poop it just got all tied up with 33 seconds left in the game. COME ON WINGS!!!!!

I am doing it. I will call it Broadway 08-09 (it needs a way snappier title, cause that one is lame-o). Whose with me. Ok, so maybe your thing isn’t musicals (which is just sad, cause you are missin’ out on some spontaneous breaking out of singing and perfect choreography in the middle of an otherwise monotonous day). But what sport do you suffer through and what would you like to equally make your hubby suffer through?(baseball widows you are equally suffering through a season that never ends- chime in) Cause I am thinkin’ come September we launch operation “See how long this season is that you make us suffer through, now here is a taste of your own medicine.” Again with the title…you can’t really fit that on a t-shirt. And make no mistake, there will be t-shirts.

*You have to be kidding me. THREE OVERTIMES LATER and the Wings have lost. That means there is yet another game. Too late to write new post. Grrrr.

 

Four Score and Seven Years Ago… May 19, 2008

Filed under: Holidays,Marriage — thediaperdiaries @ 1:03 pm

 Well maybe not four score, but 7 years ago today I was a nervous bride. 8 1/2 years ago today I went on my first date with a man, never even dreaming that he might one day be my husband. He brought me toothpaste and I was hooked. We married a year and a half after our first date. It was also the date of my grandparents anniversary.

I remember waking up that morning with butterflies in my stomach amazed that I was about to become someones wife. We met at the church first thing in the morning, just the two of us, and spent some time praying together. I will always treasure the memory of that hour, the last time we would see each other before the organist played “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” and I walked down the aisle on my dad’s arm.

I remember how sick you were. I remember the songs and the words that were sung. I remember you stumbling over the vows (“In sexness and in health”) and trying not to catch your eye cause I knew if we started laughing, we would never stop. I remember the pronouncement and hearing my name as “Mrs. Anderson” even though it would take me so many months to answer to it when someone called. I remember our first dance and you knocking off my veil. I remember the serenades by our friends. I remember singing to you and truly meaning every word.

I remember that I had no idea what “for better of worse” really means. How could I? We had only had “the better.” I probably still don’t fully know what it means, but I still mean it more than ever. I remember thinking several times over the years how awful it would be to be married to someone I couldn’t laugh with. I remember loving you even more the first time I saw you hold our baby in your arms.

Of course I remember being frustrated, unappreciated, annoyed and impatient. I remember that you have been the same with me. But I remember that every time you are, you have the grace to forgive me. I remember that you are almost always the person to say “I’m sorry” first. And I remember that way more often than not I am cherished, respected, appreciated and loved. I remember that too often I take that for granted.

And so today, I remember all the reasons I love you. All of the reasons that after 4 months I “knew.” All of the reasons that after 7 years…I still do. Thanks for the best 7 years of my life. Happy Anniversary babe.

 

Make Me Laugh Monday- The Man Cold May 11, 2008

Filed under: Make Me Laugh Monday,Marriage — thediaperdiaries @ 7:55 pm

  This video is only funny because it is so darn true. And any of you who have been married for any length of time know just how true it is. Enjoy!!

*Thanks Candace
Need some more laughs. Head over here.
 

Don’t Worry, We’re Professionals April 20, 2008

Filed under: Marriage — thediaperdiaries @ 10:53 pm

 So today’s marriage prep class was the big sex talk. It is actually one of our favorite classes cause we try to keep it light-hearted and fun. We basically are trying to give practical tips on how to have a great sex life. It’s The Challenge lite. Well actually it’s the Super Challenging Challenge cause we tell them not to have sex until they get married. Then we scare them by telling them once they get married, it is possible they will start to not want to have sex. Clearly the pay offs for waiting are fabulous (I am joking, I know the pay offs are huge).

Anyway, for whatever reason today the hubby and I came down with a bad case of inappropriate laughter. Somehow everything became wrought with innuendo and we became a bad cross between an 8 year old boy and Beavis (he,he…he said nuts). It kept getting worse cause once the can of worms was open they just seemed to be everywhere. There were times though that I almost felt like the hubby had lobbed one up there and I had to take it.

Like when he was referring to having a basic understanding of sexual anatomy and said you needed to understand the “nuts and bolts” (insert inappropriate giggling). Mine was the worst when I was talking about the changing nature of what “works” in the bedroom as a “very fluid thing.” (more inappropriate laughter). I can’t even remember the rest, but it was beyond immature.

I don’t really have a point to this post. Just a general apology to anyone who had to sit through what appeared to be 8th grade biology class if it was in fact taught by 8th graders. I guess you shouldn’t expect much more out of two people who still routinely giggle about anything involving bodily functions, pranks played on unsuspecting victims and odd Japanese game shows in which people compete by subjecting themselves to bodily harm. It’s amazing anyone allows us to teach at all.

 

Works For Me Wednesday- The Valentine’s Day Edition February 12, 2008

Filed under: Holidays,Marriage,Works for me Wednesdays — thediaperdiaries @ 10:08 pm

worksformewednesday.jpg I bet you think this post is going to be about how to make adorable homemade valentines for your child to take to school for their valentine party. I bet if you think that you don’t know me very well.

Here is my REAL tip. If your kid is like most kids, they are way more excited about the store bought valentine that has candy attached to it than any heart felt, lovingly created handmade valentine that you spend 4 hour slaving over. Plus, my bet is on the fact that those babies without candy attached are going straight in the garbage after the mom looks through the bag and decides to despise you over the fact that you took the time to make homemade, painstakingly beautiful cards showing up her lame store bought ones.

But what about the quality time you spend creating that masterpiece with your child, bonding over glue and glitter? Yeah, quality time is over-rated. You’ll be a much bigger hero if you let her get those Disney princess valentines she’s been coveting from the drug store. Then you can spend that extra 4 hours you saved doing some other quality activity that doesn’t end with you wanting to jab your eyes out with scissors

Let’s recap:

  1. I am a lazy mom who buys store bought cards
  2. I resent those mommies that make like Martha Stewart and show me up with their homemade work of art
  3. The kids like me better anyway cause I stick candy on their card

Whose with me??

For more Works For Me Wednesday tips head over to Don’t Try This At Home who is hosting WFMW this week while Shannon is in Africa.

*It’s very possible I have become unusually irritable due to the 45 inches of snow that have fallen here in the past few weeks trapping me in the house with 2 slightly whiny children and making it nearly impossible for me to head to the store for the chocolate that would be necessary for me to regain my sanity. Sorry bout that 🙂