The Diaper Diaries

but hopefully not full of crap

Ode To The Bikini June 20, 2008

Filed under: Fashion,Motherhood — thediaperdiaries @ 10:03 pm

    We had many good years together the bikini and I. Back when I was skinny I always wore one. I didn’t even think twice about it. My thighs knew no cottage cheese and my stomach was rock hard. My biggest concern was getting a top that helped me out a bit in the cleavage department. I rejoiced when Victoria Secret put out its Miracle Bra suit. I never stressed out about swimsuit season or under the harsh lights of a dressing room.

Looking back on those days…I hate that girl. She didn’t know what she had. She probably complained that a size small suit was too big. She didn’t understand that her bikini days were oh so numbered. She completely did not understand that creating cleavage is nothing compared to the miracle it would take to make a stomach stretched out after 2 kids look good without full coverage.

I dream of the day when the bikini and I might be reunited. Sometimes when I am doing my ab crunches at the gym I think to myself that it might be possible. Post kids, I moved on to the tankini, the bikini’s lamer, less popular sister. This year, I gave up the fight and bought a two piece which is the swimsuit equivalent to a retainer and a headgear. I am a couple of kids away from a full mumu.

Sometimes, I go to the pool and see women rocking the two piece with a kid on each hip. I would say that gives me hope, but instead I am just going to chose to assume they are some sort of nanny. Otherwise I would have to hate them. And that would be wrong (right?).

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA for a chance to win $150 which I will probably spend on wine and chocolate because who am I kidding, my bikini days are sooo over.


Should I Be Worried? June 16, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — thediaperdiaries @ 10:02 pm

  Hannah is what we might call a quirky little girl. Actually, she may not be at all, but the fact she can’t talk has led her to express herself in very unusual ways. She makes up “words”, gestures, facial expressions…who knows what else, to get her point across and although I have gotten pretty good at figuring her out, others might be confused. She is constantly entertaining that is for sure. And I am thinking when all is said and done, she is still a little quirky 🙂

She loves it when we laugh at her antics. Which is a mixed blessing. She is typically very happy as long as someone is giggling at something she is doing, but if you accidentally laugh at something inappropriate you are doomed. Lily is her biggest fan and eggs her on in all sorts of positive and negative ways. They are quite a pair. Few things bring me as much joy as watching their relationship develop. Lily often tells Hannah that she is her “bestest of friends.” Right before she steals her toy and Hannah scratches her face.

Anyway, lately Hannah is exploring what it means to be two. We’ve had a few “throw yourself on the floor and scream” tantrums. A couple of “I can’t hear you” moments when I am telling her no. A whole lot of wanting to do things herself without help. But the funniest to me is her opinion on clothing choices. It really has no rhyme or reason. In fact, if I distract her I can put on what 2 seconds ago was completely unacceptable. Sometimes, it’s a pair of shoes, sometimes the bow in her hair…my personal favorite is about which pacifier she will take. She can be in the middle of the biggest, most tired meltdown and if I hand her a certain pacifier, she looks at me as if I am crazy. It is the same exact pacifier as all her other ones. But she knows the look of it and just won’t take it.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night when her pacifier falls out, I go in and put that pacifier in, just to mess with her.

I guess it’s possible quirky runs in the family…


Happy Mother’s Day! May 11, 2008

Filed under: Holidays,Motherhood — thediaperdiaries @ 7:59 am

 Happy Mother’s Day everyone!! I tried to post last night, but WordPress was down, but since it is, in fact, Mother’s Day right now, this works. Best Mother’s Day gift so far- the kids slept at my parents so I was not awoken (is that a word?) at 6:30, but slept until the glorious hour of 8:15…until my dad awoke me to tell me I forgot to give them diapers. Still, I am able to blog in peace and that is a gift.

I could spend time talking about what a wonderful mother I have, but I already did that here, and as my close friends and family will tell you, too many mushy displays of affection make me break out in hives and start to twitch (I am pretty sure it is my mom’s fault). I could also go on and on about how much I love being a mom and what a blessing it is, but I am pretty sure I have done that before to and besides, I want to talk today about what is truly important…

I GOT A SCOOBA!!!!! The Scooba is the Roomba’s more talented sister who washes and dries my hardwood floors. I actually got it last week cause it was on sale at Linens N Things and the hubby used a Bed Bath and Beyond coupon cause they accept competitors coupons, making it $100 cheaper than on amazon. HE BOUGHT IT WITH COUPONS!! Seriously, could he know me any better? Anyway, this little robot has been cleaning my floors, pretty much daily. At first I thought, well I can’t really tell if it is doing much. Then I cleaned out the filter and the tank. Gross. So this is one less chore I will be doing. If only, they made a robot to clean my toilets. Seriously, shouldn’t we be living like the Jetsons by now? Where is my Rosie?

So here is wishing all you mommies a Happy Mother’s Day. May your kids lavish you with tons of kisses, hugs and love and then may they take a long, long nap 🙂


Best of Buddies (for 20 minutes anyway) May 5, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood,Random Life Moments — thediaperdiaries @ 9:34 pm

 The hubby had a meeting tonight. He came home for a quick dinner at 5, but was gone by 5:30. Which left me staring at 2 hours with the just me and the kids after a long day of….you guessed it, just me and the kids. Suddenly, I felt the four walls closing in on me and a trip to the park seemed like a fabulous idea.

Here is my take on the park. When your kids are old enough to climb and play without you standing over them, the park is great. When they are too little for that, it just seems like a lot of work. And the swings. Clearly a tool of Satan. How long can a mom stand there pushing. I have told my kids they were broken before just to avoid the constant, “Can you push me?” “Ok, I’m done.” “Can you push me?” game without end. Amen.

Today thankfully the kids were anti-swing. I think God knew it had been a long day. Hannah was quite content to go down the same slide 500 times in a row. The climb to the top was a bit scary at times, but Hannah seems to think she has it mastered. Lily was being a sport about playing with her 2 year old sister, but I could tell that was probably going to get old quickly.

Enter in adorable red headed 4 year old girl. Not sure where her parents were, but no matter- Lily had a playmate. They immediately began pretending that all the slides were roller coasters. Within minutes they were holding hands and running around giggling at inside jokes. I was trying to listen in on this new found friendship, but was too busy preventing Hannah from careening off the side of the playground equipment.

This is one of my favorite things about 4 year old girls (and maybe boys, but my experience there is limited). Whenever we are at a public play area, they seem to find each other and immediately enter into some elaborate make believe land and play like they have known each other all their lives. I have seen it at the library, the mall, the park, the pool, wherever 2 or more 4 years old are gathered- there will be pretending and probably princesses will be involved. Or maybe Dora.

Sadly, something went awry and she went running off crying. I think there was an injury, but I am 90% sure my child didn’t cause it. I tried to find out what had happened, but she was on a mission, I am assuming to find her parents. Lily was sad that her PBFF (Park Best Friend Forever©) had disappeared. I was just a tiny bit glad, cause I needed to head home and was thinking things might get ugly if I tried to separate the two of them.

So PBFF, whever you are (hopefully with your parents, seriously not trying to judge, but where were you people?) I hope that you are OK. And I owe you a debt of gratitude for making my solo park outing a little more manageable. If only you could have stuck around to entertain Lily during bathtime so she wouldn’t have been so enthralled with “helping” me bathe her sister.


Benefits of Unpopularity April 25, 2008

Filed under: Family,Motherhood — thediaperdiaries @ 9:55 pm

 You know how there are times in parenthood when your child prefers your hubby over you. You know how it kind of hurts a tiny bit that they never seem to want you and sometimes even scream when the hubby hands them to you and leaves for work every morning. You know how you remind said child that you once carried them for 9 months inside of you and have the stretch marks to prove it. You know how you might also remind them that you pushed them out of you with no drugs whatsoever which is quite painful actually and they should be forever grateful for all you do for them.

You know when that pays off? When that same kids begins screaming when you are in the basement watching TV and one parent has to go up 2 flights of stairs to comfort her repeatedly throughout the night and though you try once, she begins to scream “Daddy” and will only be comforted by him thereby leaving you off the hook for the rest of the night so you can blog and watch TV in peace.


Cleary we should just build a bubble April 21, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — thediaperdiaries @ 9:37 pm

 Well, I was “that mom” today. No, not that mom. You know, the mom that brings their sick kid to something infecting every other kid there. In my defense I was “that mom” by accident. Kind of.

Lily woke up this morning complaining of a stomach ache. She went on and on all morning before school about how much her tummy hurt. What you should know at this point is that she does this 2 out of 5 mornings. She is the hypochondriac that cried wolf. She tends towards a flair for the dramatic where injuries are concerned. I’m not sure where she gets it (ahem). So this morning I tended to ignore her. Plus, seriously, have we not already had round 2,3 and 4 of bugs around here? I am pretty sure that once the sun comes out you are off the hook for the sickies. However there probably were a few red flags that this one might be the real deal.

She said she didn’t want to go to school. Lily loves school. Lily lives for school. Every morning she has to look at the calendar to see if she has school and if so, what they will be learning and who will be the special helper. She hasn’t yet gotten to that age where faking illness gets you out of school so if she says she is too sick to go, one should probably listen. However, in my defense once again, she was wavering on this fact all morning. Second, she kept asking to lie down on the couch. She doesn’t typically want to lie still unless there is some sort of animal or spanish speaking character on the TV. Then of course she could lie still for hours upon hours, but otherwise not so much.

Still, I thought she seemed fine so we pressed onward. When we got to school I told the teacher that she had complained a little, but I thought she was OK and to call me if she decided she wanted to come home. I asked her once more if she wanted to stay and she said yes and went off to play. I began to head to the gym with Hannah and made it about 3 blocks before the cell phone rang, “Lily just threw up.” Fabulous.

I felt so awful for having sent her and that her poor teachers had to clean up the vomit explosion that apparently took place. I brought her home and laid her down. Of course Hannah wanted to crawl all over her and I so I went into distract Hannah mode. Finally Lily said, “Mom when Hannah is sick you should cuddle her, but when I am sick, you should cuddle me.” Touche. I called my mom to take Hannah and focused on Lily.

We snuggled the day away. We had several more pukey episodes broken up with a few hour long naps. It is possible I took one to for moral support. It is so miserable to see your child sick. She is truly the most amazing little sick person ever. She rarely complains and handles vomitting like no other. But she had reached her limit today. At one point she looked up at me with big, sad eyes and said, “Mommy, do something.” My heart broke. I could do nothing.

She seemed to turn a corner at around 7 pm tonight and her personality began to come back. She kept a popsicle down and began begging for food and water, neither of which she had kept down all day. Bedtime hit and of course she wasn’t at all tired. At about 9:30 she looked at the hubby and declared, “I am ready to go to sleep now and fell asleep almost immediately right on the couch.”

Let me just tell you, this day stunk on 100 different levels. I missed my workout. I got nothing accomplished. I missed out on gorgeous weather. I had to clean out a vomit bowl all day. But I wouldn’t trade this day for the world. My 4 1/2 year old “big girl” snuggles with us less everyday. She is still quite snuggly, but I don’t for a second think these days aren’t passing by quickly. And today, I got to be a hands on, full fledged, desperately needed mom. What an honor, what a privilege, what a blessing. So thanks puke bug. Now your dismissed.


All in all a pretty good read (if you take out that pig bladder part) April 14, 2008

Filed under: Family,Motherhood — thediaperdiaries @ 10:12 pm

 I am a bibliophile (actually click over to that Wikipedia link, there is some weird stuff over there). I have been one for as long as I can remember. I was a very early reader and spent what feels like entire summers at the local library. Judy Blume, Ramona, How to Eat Fried Worms, Charlotte’s Web, Diary of Anne Frank. I would enter every summer reading program. I would blaze through books at crazy speed. Even in the most intense parts of graduate school, I could be found ending out my night with a novel in my lap.

Somehow, when I became a mom, I seemed to stop reading. Unless you count parenting books and my wide variety of magazines. I still gave it some effort. Picking up a book right before I went to bed, but 3 sentences in…well, I would wake up the next morning with the open book on my chest. Last year, a friend of mine started a book club and I enthusiastically signed up. It was like being reunited with a long lost love. I devour each book and can’t wait until the next one is announced.

When we had kids, the hubby and I discussed how important it was to us to instill a love of reading in our children. It encourages such great imagination and creativity. I think that might be part of the reason we are such freaks about limiting TV. I would so much rather have them curl up with a book about Dora that zone out in front of her show (although Dora at least has them yelling Spanish and jumping around).

So we stock our house with board books. Head to the book section at garage sales. Don’t even get me started on those Scholastic order forms they send home from school. We read every night before bed. We have Lily read during her quiet time. We pack suitcases full of books for road trips. We strap our children down and prey their eyes open, forcing them to look at books (ok, we don’t go that crazy).

So it came as no surprise to me that Lily is an early reader. Actually I was a bit surprised cause she was quite early, but it seemed hard wired into her DNA. You know the great thing about you kid being able to read? You don’t always have to do it for them. They can entertain themselves with books for hours and even entertain their younger siblings. You want to know the downside? You can’t skip over parts in the book to get to the end quicker. No paraphrasing either. Just one less way I can lie to my children. And isn’t lying the basis of half the stuff I do?

So I decided it would be really cool to start reading chapter books with Lily. I toyed with the idea that she might be to young, but I told her when we started that if she thought the bookwas too long or too old for her we would save it for later. I figured a chapter a night before bed time would be a really cool bonding experience for a seasoned book worm and her protege. This was one of those few and precious times I was sooo right.

I picked the Little House on the Prarie books cause I remember them with such fondness as a kid. I also stumbled on some old episodes on the Hallmark channel one day and Lily seemed very into it. Very confused, but very into it. So tonight, we began chapter one.

Here’s what I forgot. There is a lot of animal killing going on out in the wilderness. Lily finally looked up at me and said, “Aren’t they being kind of mean to all the animals?” I explained to her that, as we had talked about before, a lot of our food comes from animals. I think that fact was really sinking in and for a moment I feared I had created a vegetarian. But then I think the thought of yummy bacon got the best of her and we read on. She was completely amazed by people living in a one room house, killing and growing their own food, and not having a refrigerator. Think about that through a 4 year old’s eyes in 2008. I think I rocked her world. That my friends is the power of books.

Remember that Mary and Laura have one rag doll that belongs to Mary. Laura has a corncob that she pretends is a doll. At the end of the chapter Lily looked at me and said, “I think I want to be Laura…no wait Mary. Is that the one with the real doll, or the corncob? Cause I don’t want to be the one with the corncob doll.” Interesting point. I am so glad when discussing the toys played with in the book, we focused on the dolls and not the pig bladder that Pa blows up (I don’t even want to think about how) that they bat  around like a ball. Thankfully I don’t think Lily quite grasped the concept of a blown up pig bladder being batted around. Maybe that’s why these books are best read by the young. I am not sure I will ever think of pigs the same way. Wait…mmm, bacon. Never mind.