The Diaper Diaries

but hopefully not full of crap

How to Clean a House (Diaper Diary Style) July 7, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — thediaperdiaries @ 9:59 pm

 First let’s get two things out of the way. For anyone who has been dying to see a picture of me, I think this picture is a highly accurate representation. Long legs and a teeny, tiny waist with thick, luxurious long hair. Now you know. Also I am still on the Fly Lady wagon. I am barely holding on by my fingertips, but still hanging on. So Monday is my cleaning day. So here the patented Diaper Diary way to clean a house on cleaning day.

  • Wake up at 7 and check email while the kids climb all over you asking for more breakfast. Assure them that Daddy has already fed them breakfast and you will not be doing anything more in that department. Remind them several times to keep their sticky syrup fingers away from your laptop.
  • At 7:45 children begin to wander down to their playroom and ask to watch Super-Why. Think that it is pretty educational and followed by Word World which is also highly educational. Possibly also swayed by the hour that they will be in front of the TV leaving you to surf People.com and find out about Madonna and A-Rod. Send kids downstairs.
  • Madonna and A-Rod begin to bore you and FlyLady keeps emailing you to clean your house. Figure you should so she will get off you back already. Begin to straighten up living room so you can vacuum.
  • Find all sorts of Polly Pocket clothes which Hannah keeps bringing up stairs to give me as gifts. They somehow have begun breeding and are everywhere. Contemplate letting the vacuum “accidentally” run over all 500 of them, but fear it will ruin the vacuum. Throw them downstairs and hope they magically walk their little rubbery selves into the proper place.
  • Begin vacuuming the living room and dining room.
  • Spot Hannah standing at the top of the stair crying because of an irrational fear of the vacuum cleaner. Call on hubby to soothe her so I can vacuum in peace (when did vacuuming become peaceful?).
  • Think about dusting, but then decide against it. Add Pledge dust wipes to Walgreens list hoping that will motivate me to dust.
  • Unload dishwasher and reload with the plates and glasses that have begun mating and reproducing in the sink overnight. Curse the inventor of sippy cups and all their pieces.
  • Head upstairs to fold laundry and get distracted by the fact that my dear hubby has not unpacked his suitcases from early last week. Pile suitcases and other random articles of his clothing on his side of the bed so I don’t have to see them and I can pretend the room is clean.
  • Attempt to dress girls and engage in a bizarre battle with my 2 year old over what she is going to wear. Seriously? You are two. Send prayers up to Jesus that he will please return before I have teenage daughters.
  • Shower in relative peace and get girls dressed and ready to run to Walgreens. Mom shows up and offers to watch the girls since she was out of town and has been missing them. Hmmm…..kid-free errand running? Sign me up.
  • Come back home after errands with one less kid than I left with (not because I am a bad mom, but because Lily is staying at CoCo’s house for the afternoon)
  • Put Hannah to bed and straigten up remaining downstairs rooms. Run Scooba in kitchen.
  • Decide to put away all the clothes I have folded earlier that are laying on the bed. Mostly cause a good thunderstorm is brewing and climbing under the covers with Real Simple sounds perfect.
  • Wake up an hour later cause Hannah is waking up.
  • Head downstairs and check email. Get distracted on Facebook and notice that Hannah has been quiet for quite a while. Discover her in my purse playing with my hand lotion. Realize she has used 3/4 of the bottle making herself “pretty” as well as the floor and the carpet.
  • Throw Hannah in the bathtub and decide this would be a good time to clean the bathroom. Cop out and use Lysol wipes to get the job done. Notice the tub has a bit of a ring around it and try to figure out ways to make Hannah clean it while bathing. Give up.
  • Spend rest of afternoon and early evening complaining to kids and hubby that “I just cleaned the house!!! Why are you leaving messes everywhere!!! Pick up what you are playing with when you are done and stop making messes!!!!”
  • Leave hubby to put kids to bed and go get a pedicure so your toes look cute for vacation. Eat dark chocolate M&Ms while blogging. Look around at dishes in the sink and toys on the floor and not care one bit.

This post was written for An Island Life’s first ever Group Writing Project. Head over there for details.

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19 Responses to “How to Clean a House (Diaper Diary Style)”

  1. Krista Says:

    cute! and dangerous. still gotta get me a big bag of those dark chocolate m&m’s… although I did get a bag of York Peppermint Patties the other day. those are seriously my nemisis!
    I got some sewing and some filing bills/papers done today… :)

  2. karenamundson Says:

    Sounds like many of my days. I can especially relate with the suitcase ordeal (so my hubby) and Hannah and the lotion. Chloe likes to rub it in her hair – copying me and pretending she’s styling it. Too cute!

  3. Emily Says:

    Oh, man, this sounds like me except I only have one little one to distract me from … cleaning.
    Enjoy your vacation!

  4. Chanin Says:

    This sounds a lot like my house! Great post! This was very fun to read!

  5. Heather Says:

    Sounds like my house too … complete with falling asleep rather than reading my mag and finding my little one in my purse :)

  6. Jen E Says:

    Haha substitute two girls for one 2 year old boy and this is what my cleaning days resemble also :) Only without the pedicures… hmmm….

  7. Does you mom miss my kids too? ’cause she can swing by whenever she has had her fill of yours.

  8. Alicia Says:

    Sounds at lot like my days of cleaning, even the 2-year old being afraid of the vaccum. I have to wonder if this is because I do not run it enough and she isn’t accustomed to it. …hehehe.
    And the purse thing ha, I usually find her with an empty pack of gum. Great post.

  9. If I had long legs and an itty bitty waist, I’d be putting pics up every day. Hence the reason I do not post full body shots often. Very cute :)

  10. Yeah for FlyLady! And thanks for such a realistic guide! One that I actually think I could follow with a little diligence . . .

  11. Gosh – I just wasted so much time reading this post when I could have been…cleaning!! You’re much better than Madonna and A-Rod, for sure! :)

  12. i serisously think we were separated at birth. which is good news for you, cause now you can be 30 again! yay!

  13. A peaceful shower & a pedicure?! Oh so filled with envy. Pedicures these days involve a four year old painting my entire toe…

  14. Heather Says:

    I just like that at the end you could sit there and not feel guilty that it is already a mess again- I need to figure that one out

  15. Nicole Says:

    Could not quit laughing, all though, the photo is a bit misleading, I thought your chest was bigger than that. Weren’t you like a DD pre- breast feeding, down to a large C now…My son was colicky, thus loves the sound of the vacuum as that and the hair dryer were the two things that would stop the madness. Instead of having a 2 year old scared of the thing, I have one that takes the 30 minute job and makes it a morning affair. How are those toes looking?

  16. skiplovey Says:

    Sounds like a fab way to clean, sign me up.

  17. CLEAVERMAMA Says:

    You are funny! And however did you find a cartoon form of yourself?

  18. canearl Says:

    Love this!! I can so relate.

  19. jenefur Says:

    This eerily sounds like my day. Minus the mom picking up the kids… mine is in CT for the summer! :(


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